A cautionary tale about choosing the right couples counsellor
August 08, 2024
The skills required by a couples counsellor to work with a relationship and two people in the room are very different to the skills required to work with an individual.
Many counsellors I train quickly find this out and can be quite challenged by this. Some choose to never work with couples. However, there are counsellors out there who believe they can ‘do it all’ when it comes to working with clients.
If you are going to trust a counsellor with something as important as your marriage or partnership, please make sure you choose one with the right credentials.
I’m now going to tell you an unsettling story. I was approached recently by a new counsellor to supervise her work. She had graduated two years prior with a master’s degree in counselling. This is a general degree and does not specifically train the counsellor to work with couples. However, she had begun advertising herself as a couples counsellor and had started working with couples. She was hobbling along with her clients, but couldn’t understand why they were not progressing or staying with her for very long.
In my first supervision session with this counsellor, I asked her what training she had done in couples counselling. She replied she had done no training. I then asked her what framework she was using to work with her couples “one I made up myself” she said.
I was horrified. And speechless as I struggled to work out how to respond to this.
I was able to convey that working with couples without any training is unethical and dangerous. Happily, the counsellor recognised that her general counselling qualifications had not given her enough of the specific skills she needed. She chose to pause her ‘couples counsellor’ advertising until she’d completed more training.
This experience left me worried about how many couples might be seeing counsellors who advertise themselves as a couples counsellor without appropriate training. There’s no regulation to stop this happening, so it’s really up to counsellors to do the right thing – and potential clients to know what to look for when choosing a counsellor.
When you are researching a counsellor, check out their qualifications.
All (regardless of specialisations) counsellors should have at least an undergraduate degree in counselling. From that point most counsellors would choose to specialise in an area that appeals to them. And then complete training at post graduate level.
This means you should be looking for a variation of the below for a well-trained couples counsellor:-
Master’s degree – specifically to couples counselling and therapy – couples therapy or counselling should be somewhere in the title of the master’s degree.
Master’s degree – to a specific couple’s therapy framework – e.g. Milan Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Systemic Therapy, Solution Focused, Emotionally Focused Therapy are some of the frameworks I can think of.
Graduate Diploma – again different frameworks – examples as above.
Post graduate certificates – Gottman, Imago, Developmental Model, Systemic Framework are just a few off the top of my head.
Understand what methodology or ‘framework’ a counsellor uses.
If you are not sure what you need from a couples counsellor and are confused by the different ‘frameworks’ that are listed, the best thing to do is to search the listed frameworks and ensure these frameworks relate to working with couples. Also think about if this framework would be useful for your specific issue. Don’t be afraid to ask the couples counsellor to explain how they work and the frameworks they use.
Look for professional Association membership.
The couple’s counsellor should be at a clinical level of membership to the association they belong to. If they are not this means they are yet to reach the required number of hours in supervision and client hours. Ideally, they should be a clinical member of an association that is related specifically to working with couples.
Be cautious about counsellors who say they can do everything.
It is very difficult to keep up with training and new ideas if you are working across all types of counselling. This is why we all only do relationship work at the Sydney Couple and Family Specialists, and why all our therapists invest in ongoing professional development in relationship area.
It’s not just about training.
What if you are seeing a couples counsellor who has the right training, but you are still struggling in the work with them? Unfortunately, all the training in the world does not make a good couples counsellor. Believe me I have trained many counsellors who don’t just have the right combination of skills, personality and talent. If your gut says it’s not right – leave. Find another couples counsellor.
I would like to think that we will move to a more regulated industry where it will not be possible to advertise as a couple’s counsellor without the required qualifications. In the meantime – because there is a lot on the line when it comes to your relationship – do your research and beware.
If you have any questions or would like help, please do reach out to the team at the Sydney Couple and Family Specialists.
